My Mulligan: How I Came Back Stronger

The Day That Turned My Life Around

This is the second part of My Mulligan story, or what I like to call: How to rebuild your life after losing everything.

In part one of this story, you may recall we left off right at the point where I was at the bottom. I’d lost everything financially and physically. The great thing about hitting the bottom is that there’s only one way to go from there.

I saw a video a while back of one of the first motivational speakers, Jim Rohn. It was called “The Day That Turns Your Life Around”. You can watch it here if you want, but be sure to come back to get the rest of my story, because it’ll be the part that’s most helpful to you if you’re dealing with any struggles right now. The Day That Turns Your Life Around: Jim Rohn

If you watched it, cool, but if not, here’s the point. He describes that pivotal moment of clarity when you say to yourself, “Enough! That’s it. No more. I’ve had it.” This moment is when real change begins. And I remember mine clearly.

My Declaration

I was sitting with my wife, and we called my parents. I was having an emotional breakdown. But not the bad kind. The break-through kind. The hope that the neurologist and his nurse had given me was part of the fuel. The other part was my realization that “When you ain’t got nothin’, you’ve got nothin’ to lose”. Which happens to be a line from one of my favorite 80’s/90’s rock songs by Stephen Pearcy and Arcade.

My creditors could suck it, because I’d given all I could give. I sold everything we had, all our investments, including our house, and cashed out all our accounts, including retirement accounts. I paid as much as I could. And I offered to work out deals in whatever way possible. So if they wouldn’t bend, then that was their problem now – not mine. I had nothing left to give, so they had nothing left to get.

So while my parents were on the phone, I recall telling them “I’m not done yet. This isn’t the end for me. I have more to do, and I’m not giving up.” It was hard to say, knowing that at that moment I genuinely had no idea what the way forward looked like. But I said it anyway, and I believed it. That decision to persist, to not give up, was critical. Without that decision, none of the rest would have, or could have, happened.

My First Steps to Rebuilding

The first tangible action I recall taking was ordering the Tony Robbins program “Get the Edge” which came with a set of CD’s and a workbook. And then the important part…. I did the work. Listened to the program several times. Burned it to my iPod and took it with me everywhere. I wrote out the exercises, and I put it into action. If I had to summarize the whole program in one word that would be it – action. Tony says, “When would NOW be a good time?” Which means do something, right now.

The next thing I recall doing was facing my demons. First, was calling all my creditors and telling them we’d reached the end, and there was nothing left to take. I told them they could call me every day if they wished, and they’d hear the same thing. Zero (actually negative) means zero. Sue me. Chase me. Ruin my already ruined credit report. Send your thugs to beat me up. I did not care.

Second, was calling every medical provider involved and asking for referrals to other professionals. Massage and physical therapists, pain management clinics, chiropractors, counselors, holistic practitioners – you name it, I was going to try it. It’s not that I wasn’t already going to doctors seeking answers, but this was a palpable power shift. I went from “someone please help me” to “I’m going to talk to everyone I can, do everything I can, until I figure out what’s wrong and start healing”.

Third, and this may seem like a small thing, but I assure you it was key. Tony’s program had encouraged that you do walking incantations. Which is really just positive self-talk combined with movement. I also had learned somewhere that if two people walk and talk together that the act of moving physically in the same direction creates a psychological bond that gets them in a mode of cooperation. Like a unified front.

So every night my wife and I would walk together, and say our incantations out loud to ourselves and each other. Mine were things like “I’m healing every day, getting stronger”, “I’m rebuilding our finances”, “I am healthy and wealthy” (even though neither of those things were true when I started saying them).

The Cold Hard Truth About Rebuilding

So here’s the bad news. Everything I did, starting from that pivotal day that turned my life around, worked. Just not instantly. It took time. Months to start seeing any progress. More than a year before my body had returned to a reasonable state of health, probably close to 2 years before I’d reached my previous physical condition.

Financially, things improved slowly too. But sacrifices were made. We’d already liquidated our house, so we moved into a very small apartment to start clawing back whatever savings we could. I’d closed my real estate company, for obvious reasons, and taken a job that was well below my prior annual earning.

Partly, this was because I needed the group health insurance. Part of it was I needed a predictable check every two weeks, instead of the wild swings I was accustomed to in real estate investing. And even though I’m proud of the fact that I was willing to do this, and take a job below my former pay grade, I frequently look back at that job with very fond memories. I met some great people, and it wasn’t super stressful, so it didn’t take a physical toll on me while I was focusing my energy on healing.

How to Rebuild Your Life After Losing Everything

The discipline paid off, and in what seemed like “overnight success” (we all know doesn’t truly exist), our finances exploded. The net worth we’d lost in the financial disaster we’d experienced was now being surpassed. The health I’d lost in that meltdown was now back, and I was stronger than ever. However, I let this slip again because making money took my focus off maintaining it. But that story is coming later.

The bricks we’d laid along the way: the willingness to sacrifice and do whatever it took to fix our situation, the consistent choices to eat right, exercise, meditate, and continue our incantations and walking, combined with the commitment to living frugally, avoiding debt, working our butts off, and saving aggressively, all culminated in this year.

In retrospect, I attribute it to the character I built by getting so wrecked in those dark days. They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. In my case, that may be true. But it’s not actually the pain that makes you stronger. It’s your response to it. You grow by persisting, by remaining committed and disciplined. It’s really a journey of thousands of steps, like the book Atomic Habits by James Clear describes. Rather than an overnight transformation. Now don’t get me wrong, the decision moment was key. Without it, none of the rest would have followed. But after that moment, it’s the actions that created the results.

I’ve Been There. I Know How to Rebuild Your Life After Losing Everything.

So that’s my mulligan story. Or at least the bulk of it. Why should it matter to you? Because if you’re dealing with a setback, or even a cataclysmic wipe-out, then maybe my story will inspire you. Maybe you can follow some of the same steps I did to achieve the results you need for your own mulligan transformation.

And if nothing else, I hope that it helps you relate to me, and see that I’ve been through the crucible, and I know what it feels like. The fear. The pain. The frustration. The disappointment. The sense of failure. All of it. And for that reason, I can be a resource for you. I’m here to help in whatever way I can. I’m reaching out my hand… just reach out and grab it.