There’s a common assumption that disciplined people are just wired differently. They’re not. Discipline is an identity, not a trait you’re born with, and once you adopt it, it bleeds into every corner of your life. It’s about choosing to be that person (more on that in a minute), because discipline gets results.
Motivation Is a Lie (Or At Least a Bad Strategy)
I want to be clear that this isn’t written from a place of judgment. I think all of us struggle with this from time to time. Maybe some more than others, but it’s not the kind of characteristic that you either have it or you don’t. It’s a muscle, that can be stretched and grown. Not something you’re born with.
I often see people who seem to be waiting for the mood to strike them. Spoiler alert: it won’t. Like the motivation to do something will just manifest from thin air. Except motivation is emotional, inconsistent, and unreliable. Discipline doesn’t need or require motivation. It’s about choices, not innate characteristics.
The Identity Shift; Becoming the Person First
In this post (linked), I talked about Jack Canfield’s “Come as You’ll Be” parties. Parties where you show up in character of the person you want to become. And then throughout the party you behave, speak, and act like that version of you would. This is a fun way of becoming the person you envision before it’s fully a reality. It causes your brain to visualize and consider how that version of you would behave, speak, and act. And this creates new neural pathways which align with that new identity.
But you don’t have to host or be invited to one of these parties to make this mental shift yourself. All you need to do is identify that future version of yourself and choose to act that way now – before the evidence becomes tangible. I find that creating some “bright lines” is a great way to put this into action right away.
Bright Lines and Why Discipline Gets Results
Here’s an example that is super easy to exaggerate the concept. A bright line for me is, I will never be a heroin addict. How do I know this? Because I flat won’t ever try heroin. It’s not a difficult decision for me, and I don’t have to give it any ongoing thought. It’s just who I am. Yet, it’s fundamentally based on a choice I made. Even though that one’s not too difficult for most of us.
Where I find people begin to struggle, is when the consequences of those choices become less severe. For example, you decide that you want to get fit. You plan to exercise and eat right. But the next day, something that seems legitimate, puts a little resistance in your way.
You scheduled your trip to the gym at 8am. But at 7:45am a client, prospect, or family member, says they need your attention. It feels urgent, even if it isn’t, and so you tell yourself “I’ll just move my workout to this afternoon. No big deal.” And then life happens, you get tired, or busy, and you end up adjusting again. “I’ll just go tomorrow, but work even harder”. Rinse and repeat, and this is how New Years’ resolutions get blown. Commonly. By the end of February.
Choosing Your Identity Replaces the Need to Force Disciplined Behavior
But when you claim the identity of the person you want to be, and become that person before the “thing” happens, you create the identity of a person who wouldn’t make that concession. A person who wants to get fit will reschedule a workout because it seems easy to adjust. Except it isn’t. But the person who IS FIT in their identity, doesn’t make these concessions. Because fit people don’t reschedule workouts. They prioritize them. And yet, they still manage to get those prospects, clients, and family matters handled.
The point is, once your identity is fixed, the behaviors follow automatically. The goal isn’t to lose weight — it’s to be a fit person and do what fit people do.
When Discipline Gets Results in One Area It Spills Into Everything
OK, so here’s an observation perhaps you’ve made yourself. You do not see a lot of successful people who are noticeably undisciplined in other ways. For example, if your habits include not working out, not eating right, spending money carelessly, not keeping your commitments, or other undisciplined actions, it will be very difficult for you to excel in most things.
I’ve heard people say about CEO’s and billionaire entrepreneurs, “yeah, sure, they have time to go to the gym because they can afford it, or they eat right because they have a private chef, or they don’t have to chauffeur their kids around to school events”. Although some of these things are true, it makes a broad assumption that they don’t have factors trying to disrupt their days too. You think they never want to eat a large pizza? Or skip a workout? Or have an urgent event disrupt their schedule? If anything, I’d argue they may have more than average Joes like me. Yet, they still find the way to prioritize whatever their priorities are.
A Rising Tide Raises All Boats
I also would argue that there’s a direct correlation between discipline and success which carries over into all aspects of your life. I know this is true for myself. And this post isn’t just about discipline regarding your health either. Although, I’m going to use that example again, because it’s so easy to illustrate.
Let’s say you become a fit person. You exercise, eat right, and get adequate sleep. How much easier does it become to show up and be present for your family and friends? Do you have more energy and focus at work? Do you find yourself sticking to other commitments based on your success with honoring the commitments around health? And so on. Here’s that muscle, being exercised, and growing, and now helping you show up metaphorically stronger in almost every other aspect of your life. It’s a thing.
Discipline in one area, cultivated, helps you grow discipline in other areas. And before you know it, you’re an unstoppable force. And then you’ll be amazed how your health improves, your relationships improve, your finances improve, and all of it because you chose to be disciplined.
What This Actually Looks Like in Practice
Here’s what it looks like in my own life right now. Rather than wanting to lose weight and be healthier, I chose to become a fit and healthy person. I set a workout schedule and I buy food in bulk for meal prep. I defend it with vigor. I’m just that guy, because I chose to be.
I knew that over time I would start to look better, feel better, probably live longer or at least have fewer chronic age related illnesses. But what I did not expect was that as a byproduct of getting stronger was my confidence grew. I show up in meetings differently, because I feel strong, energetic, and a lot of human “craziness” got burned off in my workout.
For this reason, I negotiate better. I communicate more clearly and with directness. My wife is ecstatic that I’m taking better care of myself, and it even inspired her to do the same. She was worried about my health in the past, and now she isn’t (or at least not as much). My finances have never been better. That discipline and confidence byproduct show up when I start to feel the tug of keeping up with the Joneses. Some ad on TV… “Ooh, I want that.” Quickly turns into, “No, I don’t.” I’m more decisive, and my resilience is higher to all negative stimuli.
The bleed-over into all aspects of my life of this one key discipline is undeniable. Then I show discipline in another area, and they compound. Then another, and another.
Discipline Gets Results, But Only If You Own the Identity
OK, so you’re probably asking how to actually become that identity. Well, here are some practical tools you can use to put it into action.
One, visualize. Yeah, I love vision boards, but I doubt famous basketball players created vision boards in order to visualize making the game winning shot at the buzzer a million times. I mean get a clear image of who you’re choosing to become, and focus on it, regularly. Feel the emotions behind it. Does that person feel confident? Secure? Strong? Empathetic? This is your vision, but make one, and use it.
Two, positive self-talk or incantations. Feel hokey? I don’t care. Just do it. Say to yourself repeatedly, “I am…. ” (You complete the sentence.) I am a fit person; financially secure; or I am a lovable person people are drawn to. Hey, this is your story. But write it, or it will be written for you. As a friend said to me recently:
Are you living life. Or is it living you? ~ Anonymous
If you don’t decide who you are, it will be decided for you. And I’m sorry, but the odds of you liking that version aren’t good. So decide, and then be that person. Walk like them, talk like them, show up like they would, because it IS YOU.
Conclusion
You don’t need more motivation. You need a different answer to the question: “Who am I?” Once you’ve answered it, the rest follows. So start by asking the question. Right now. Then be that person. It’s actually easier than the alternative of trying to do something without becoming the kind of person who does that thing. And if you get stuck, have questions, need a push… I’m ready. Just ask.